Sirius Problems
by BLAYNK
Summary: Sirius makes a potion and chaos ensues when he drinks it. SiriusXMultiple
1. Chapter 1

Sirius cackled madly for the bathroom as eerie lights came from behind the door. No one dared go see what the Eldest Black son was doing, he was terrifying sometimes. Everyone except one James Potter.

"Padfoot? What are you up to?" The spectacles clad boy ask from his bed. Flipping a page from his stalker—er…shrine?—of Lily Evans Photo book.

"He's going to blow the bathroom up again." Remus sighed scratching his nose in irritation. His stupid werewolf form had decided to run through a patch of poison ivy in the forbidden forest on him.

"IT'S DONE! MY CREATION! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Sirius emerged from the bathroom, it was obvious he had been in there way too long. His hair was greasy and standing straight up in the front.

"You look like a mad scientist from those odd muggle movies Moony made us watch in the summer." Peter commented slightly terrified of his friend.

Ignoring his dorm mates, Sirius skipped cheerily out of the room—tiny vial in his hand glowing an ghostly pink. The Gryffindors in the common room looked a little frightened of him, and as he made it out of the room and to the dungeons, after hours, even Filtch stayed far away from him.

Somehow making it into the Slytherin dorms, Sirius stood over the form of one sleeping, Severus Snape content in his bed. Cackling still, Sirius shook the sleeping boy until the frail looking child stared at him slightly panicked.

"Will you check this for me?" The crazy tone in the Gryffindor's voice made Severus flinch back. "I need to make sure it's safe to drink."

"What _is _that?" peering at the glowing liquid in the bottle.

"A potion. I made it." Cackling again Sirius pushed it towards the smaller boy.

"What's it suppose to do? I can't check it if I have no clue what it does." Severus drew his brows together.

"I have no clue." Sirius smiled smugly.

"Well, it can't be that bad. It doesn't appear to be dangerous. Now go away. You made a deal with me if I lent you my knowledge on potions you'd leave me alone. I helped you last week." Severus lay back down and pulled his blankets over his head. He could care less if Sirius did something to him.

Shrugging Sirius downed the drink, nothing happened, Frowning Sirius shrugged again throwing the vial to the floor to shatter as he sauntered out of the room and Slytherin common room to go back to his own dorm.


	2. Chapter 2

Waking to shrieks from his roommates, Sirius cracked an eye open and glanced at Peter and Remus pointing at him while screaming like little girls.

"What?" He asked groggily. Not sleeping or eating for a week in a half straight really took its toll on him.

"A GIRL!" they looked horrified at him. "IT'S A GIRL!"

"You're a girl mate." James shrugged and left the room, heading off for breakfast.

Launching from his bed, Sirius landed in front of the mirror and grinned, starting to cackle madly again. "IT WORKED! I'M A GENIOUS!"

Grabbing a breast in one hand, Sirius leered pervertedly towards his two roommates. "Peter." He purred in a distinct female voice. "Remus." He curled one finger in a 'come hither' way. Both boys paled and fell backwards as if they had been petrified.

Shrugging Sirius grabbed an old shirt of Remus' that he knew wouldn't be missed by the smaller boy—to much. Flouncing down to the Great Hall for breakfast.

Getting more looks than usual Sirius flirted with everybody as they passed. As he came to the doors leading to breakfast he saw his _favourite_ person as of late. "You-who! Severus!" Swooshing up to the confused boy Sirius draped himself over the poor sap. "Guess who?" Sirius asked as he liked to terrified boys ear.

"W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-what…" His eyes getting impossibly bigger as James sauntered up to them.

"Sirius, They don't have any whatcha-ma-call-its." Pouting he noticed Severus. "Snivilous, why is my best mate a girl?"

"I-I-I…I have no clue." Not moving an inch as Sirius continued to make to boy as uncomfortable as possible with the PDA.

"I made a potion. I found out what it does. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Sirius saw his most favouritest professor and flounced over to her. "Minnie, I made the most fabulous potion this past week."

"Oh my…" McGonagall stared at the young girl in bewilderment. "What in Melin's name have you done to yourself Mr. Black?"

"I wanted to impress you with my skills." He grinned wickedly.

"Are you able to turn yourself back?" she raised a fine brow at him.

"I haven't thought that far yet. But one day you'll see my brilliance and fall for me, my love. Wait for me until then!" And he disappeared off into the crowd to get breakfast.

"Mr. Potter! Mr. Snape! Come here for a moment will you!" She called to the two boys staring at Sirius' back. For once not even fighting with the other.

"Yes Professor?" Severus asked curiously.

"Do you know of that potion? And Mr. Potter, keep an eye on him, who knows what he could get up to." McGonagall sighed wearily as she turned back to the frail looking Snape.

"I'm quite certain he just put a bunch of random ingredients', perhaps some objects in a potion and hoped it wouldn't kill him." Severus fidgeted under the stern stare of his teacher.

"I see. I assume he got basic knowledge of potions from you as I doubt he's ever been past the first class in his first year."

"Yes ma'am." Severus bit his lip. "He promised to stop teasing me for two months."

"Hm. Well, go have breakfast will you." McGonagall turned and hurried to find Albus Dumbledore, she hoped he could fix this.


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm afraid I can't fix this." Albus paced him office before going to sit down. "We'll simply have to wait for the potion to wear off, or worst case sinario, Mr...Miss Black will have to learn to be a girl."

"Albus, is there nothing you can do?" Minerva asked anxiously, this had happened to someone in her house, it did not matter whether or not this child was annoying more often than not. He simply had to be changed back.

"I don't really mind Minnie." Sirius winked at her, roguish smile in place. "I mean, even if I can't properly satisfy you this way, I'm more than capable of taking care of your wild imagination and kinks."

"Mr. Black!" Minerva clutched a hand to her chest. Children these days! How would these children raise their children?

"I'd rather you use Sirius, as we do have a serious problem here." The by-turned-girl licked his lips, Minerva had an odd feeling that she kne what being mind raped felt like now. She didn't like the feeling at all.

"Sorry to interupt." Remus came in quietly from the door. "But Sirius and I have a project in runes that's due in the morning, and Sirius hasn't worked on it at all. And I had hoped he'd get it done, especially with that organizer I ot for him last year, but-"

"Moony, you said we had ages to do it!" Sirius whined bouncing up from her chair to hug him.

"I said we had all night to finish it as we are definitely not going to have it finished by tomorrow morning otherwise." Remus frowned. "I'd appreciate you not trying to fondle me."

"!" Sirius whined bringing both hands to his shoulders. "I'm sure you'd rather work with Peter. He can partner up with you, and I'll go with James."

"James and Peter are done. You're not skiving off another assignment. Do you want to pass this year?" Remus snapped at the girl. "You need a bath too, you smell horrid."

"Looks like someone got up on the wrong side of the bed." Sirius giggled. "I have the perfect idea of what to do tonight to relax first." She licked his ear.

"NO!" Remus struggled to get away and looked to his professor and headmaster for help as he was dragged away, neither did anything but look away like nothing was happening.


	4. Chapter 4

It's the perfect plan, at least that was what Sirius thought as he snuck onto the Malfoy property and attempted to steal a white peacock. After being chased and bitten by the stupid birds he concedes, and decides to ask Lucius for help. After black-mailing the blond, Sirius then gets Lily's help. This prank was going to be amazing.

Lily in her Nindu form and Lucius in his peacock form battling it out in a staged battle. The teachers are all freaking out at the sight of the giant cat beast, but as the peacock wins Sirius doesn't get into trouble. both teens transformed and bowed to their audiance. And Sirius learned what it was like to sleep with a blond Slytherin. He had been grateful to Sirius for helping boost his reputation, so bedding him...er...her wasn't that much of a loss for the Malfoy heir.


	5. Chapter 5

Oh, how wrong had the Malfoy Heir been? Sirius had spread the gossip about Lucius bedding the heir of the blacks as soon as she got back to her own dorms. Lily had just rolled her eyes as Sirius—who had been moved into the girl's dormitory—had come in at three AM. Lily had went back to her book—cramps were being a bitch—and ignored Sirius' gossip to the other two girls in the dorm.

By no one the next day when Lucius arrived for lunch the whole school knew and stared at him incredulously. He had slept with someone who used to be a _guy_? Sure, the wolf like boy had slept with Sirius, but that was to be expected—hadn't they been dating before anyways? But Lucius Malfoy, the guy who claimed to be straight—no one actually believed him—had just destroyed his chances for a normal year. Again.

Narcissa Black was in a rage, and showed it as she stomped up to her cousin and slapped her across the face. "YOU SLAG! Couldn't you keep your legs closed for even a little bit!" Narcissa hissed and puled at the wavy black hair in front of her cousin's face. "Lucius is mine! And you slept with him!"

"You think he hadn't slept with anyone before me?" Sirius giggled hysterically, before ripping her hair away from her cousin. "I can count nearly all the older and younger students who have been here since our second year. Lily and you are the only two who haven't. Hell, I can count some males as well." Sirius smirked as Narcissa screeched like the banshee she was and stormed out of the hall.

"You should be more sensitive." Lily chided. "James have you finished your essay for transfiguration? I'm having trouble grasping the theory for…" Sirius tuned that out and met Lucius' eyes from across the hall and winked, causing a blush to brake out on his face.

"So, who wants to bet I can get Snivilous into bed?" Sirius asked braking up the conversations around her.

"Snivilous is a prude, besides why would you want to sleep with _him_? You have a stud like me here to pleasure you at will?" James wiggled his eyebrows pervertedly.

"Well, all I see is a stag, not a stud. And besides, I slept with you yesterday morning. I plan to sleep with every boy here be the end of next week. I have most girls in my belt before the potion, sooooooo…" Sirius trailed off and stood. "I bet by the end of the week I'll be in Snivilous' pants."

"I bet my whole collection of chocolate frog cards that it'll take you the rest of the century." James laughed until Lily slapped him.

"You slept with her?" Lily hissed dangerously.

"What? You're not dating me!" James said confused. "I'm not right?" He looked at Sirius's smirk as she walked backwards out of the hall.

"Of course not." Lily sniffed before huffing, and stood gathering her books and running from the hall.

"You realize Lils likes you right?" Remus pointed out.


End file.
